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1st January 2020 (00:00)
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- If you watch the German soap opera Verbotene Liebe and are a fan of Olli, especially in his new storyline with Sascha, then you might enjoy my Olli-focused Verbotene Liebe episode recaps (with sexy pictures) which can be found in reverse chronological order here. (The episode recaps are spoiler-free, but the comments often aren't, so watch out for that if you are spoiler-averse.) You do not need to Friend me on LiveJournal to view these posts (but if you want to anyway, that is also fine).

engorged lawyers [userpic]

VL 26.06.15 - "So schlimm ist es auch nicht."

28th June 2015 (18:44)

So, Verbotene Liebe is no more.

The finale (which you can watch the whole episode of here with English subtitles because now I'm unemployed I actually did have 9 hours free to sub it...what bad timing), the finale was...actually kind of okay? My expectations were rock bottom, because I knew it wasn't going to be something I'd love, and honestly the last few eps I've just skimmed through to see if there was anything I should be subbing (...let me know if there was something I missed). I thought it would be beyond shit, and I was pleasantly surprised, even though it was nothing I would have chosen for the finale (except the incest and awful play-on-words, I would have chosen both of those things, and actually they're mostly what redeemed the show in my eyes...that and a certain sexy policeman).

I was going to do a picture recap for old time's sake, but given I didn't pay attention to the previous episodes I worry it will be harder to be glib. I feel I have to be properly informed to mock this show to the extent it deserves. Plus I'm a little out of practice. But worry not! I will persevere.

Would it be incredibly pretentious of me to do a dedication? I will anyway: this is for all of you who've ever read my picture recaps, especially those who are sweet enough to comment or PM, but most of all for 4lugia to whom I fear I have made a more empty promises than I have even to the calorie-counter app on my phone... Off we go.


Where I last left you, Jo was lying in a field, bleeding profusely from the thigh, while paramedics removed his clothes (I assume it's so that if he didn't make it, Olli would have had one last chance to see him topless - the true value of the emergency services).
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Anyway, Jo was walking towards the light/Sam, when suddenly he started to hear Olli's voice, saying powerful things like "Jo, come back to me", "don't leave me", and "you seriously think you'll be joining Sam in heaven? you shagged your brother's wife, you'll be rooming downstairs, mate". This is a persuasive argument, so Jo decided to live a bit longer after all so he could lounge around looking sexy while he waits for the paramedics to bring him a new shirt.
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His leg miraculously healed in about two days, but obviously with VL having paid for a hospital set (or perhaps they just bought a real hospital...an odd investment for a soap opera - in fact the sort of decision making that might lead to a show getting cancelled [/speculation]) the action couldn't stay away for long, so Bella conveniently got hit by a car and fell into a coma for 8000 years.
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This led to lots of tedious angsting on Jo's part, lots of immense dickishness on Charlie's part, lots of being-a-sappy-pushover-ness on Olli's part, and terribly awkward moment in which Andi was left in a room with a comatose Bella and told to "stroke her". I was slightly worried it would end up like the original version of Sleeping Beauty, but in a turn of events even more Disneyfied than the Disney version, Bella woke up, forgot she had even broken up with Andi in the first place, got back together with him and lived happily ever after.
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Jo and Olli decided to buy a holiday together (my money's still on it being on Ayia Napa), and also lived happily ever after with only a slight blip when offscreen-Olli left to go to London for a photoshoot and then one of the actors decided that meant "omg, Chrolli for everrrr!", even though, like, no one even likes Chrolli, duh, and then Dr Jo was lumbered with paying the mortgage on a beach hut that nobody will ever use and also having to man the hospital to deal with whatever mischief the various Lahnsteins had got themselves into. Because at this point the show became only about the Lahnsteins.


Which brings us to today. I might need to do some introductions.
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On the left is Mila - she has a tragic backstory in which when she was 15 Ansgar raped her, impregnated her, and then had her locked up in an asylum for 20 years and she had her baby stolen from her. This was told through a series of Break the Cutie flashbacks in previous episodes. On the right is Martin - he is a policeman, and I am in love wth him, which means statistically he must be gay. I ship him and Olli even though they've never been onscreen together, and are now unlikely to be unless he can get a transfer to Essen. He is also a Cutie waiting to be Broken. I know this because I've seen soaps before.
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Martin has discovered Mila's secret identity (which she had to adopt to escape from the asylum - she used to be called "Steffi"), which sends Mila into a panicked voice-over about second lives, and being dead inside but covered in paint on the outside and half-cooked in the middle. This efficiently scares Martin away, to the extent that he has to go to the fairground to try and calm himself down with a ride on the Spinning Teacups.
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Mila follows him there, and they stand in the exact same pose they were earlier, just without a door in the way, this is called visual continuity. It also effectively conveys the emotional sate of the characters, Mila with her back to Martin, hiding herself from him, while Martin is still trying to get her to open the metaphorical door and let him in. Most importantly, it also means that the scene only has to be shot once, with one camera. Saving time and money people, that's why we watch VL!
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There is much angsting about secret identities, lies, murders, and whose fault it is that they didn't get to the Spinning Teacups ride before it closed.
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The long and short of it is that Martin wants the truth, and he will not placated with balloons or even candyfloss. Mila offers to go and win him a cuddly bear, but he sits down petulantly and refuses to move. So Mila confesses everything, and Policeman Martin realises he has fallen in love with a murdering, revenge-seeking crim :(
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Then his day goes from bad to worse as Uncle Frank gets cross with him for spending all day with a girl instead of with his police bros. Something about how he should be doing work and keeping up to date with what's happening and inviting his superior officer to the fair too, if he insists on going there during work hours.


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Meanwhile, Kim is cheating on Emilio again. Not really, she's just happy that she won €3.78 in a fruit machine. And also she does fancy that guy. His name is Jannik, and he's her brother but she doesn't know he's her brother. This episode kind of plays it like we don't know he's her brother either, but we definitely do already know he's her brother so I don't know why... Whatever, I'm just happy to get some actually forbidden love up in this Forbidden Love, and seeing as they never used my idea for Christian/horse OTP, not even in the finale, I will settle for some third gen Lahnsteincest.
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This ties in with all the other Lahnstein stuff, because Ansgar is worried because someone is scheming against him. His computers were hacked, and tragic misfortune keeps befalling all of his relatives. He doesn't realise it's the woman he raped, and he doesn't realise that Jannik is his son, but he does think Jannik is out to get him. He goads Jannik, asking about his intentions towards Kim, alleging that he wants to hurt her. He tries to push him into revealing his true plan, pressuring Jannik to for once be honest about what he's up to. About how he's a lying, sly, craft shifty little man who needs to come clean.
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And it works, the entire story bursts out of Jannik in a jet of pent up secrecy. His real plans, ideas and feelings come spilling out, ready for Ansgar to absorb the information and use it to protect himself from the terrible plot. Unfortunately, Jannik's secret is not a nefarious plan, rather it's a torrent of teenage angst about being in love with Kim.
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Oh well, Ansgar. Never mind, you can't win them all. I guess you'll have to continue being a victim of the terrible plot a little while longer (anywhere between 20 minutes and forever, depending on your stance on headcanon).
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And things go from bad to worse for him when Martin punches him in the face. ...See, this is why I never liked doing more than storyline in one recap you know, because everything gets so tangled up, and there's so many different characters to focus on, and it's awkward if I keep switching back and forth between different scenes, and there's only so many times I can say "meanwhile", and all I want to screencap is Martin looking sweet and indignant.
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So we'll stick with Martin for now, and come back to Ansgar later.


After the punch, Martin went straight to Mila, and upon seeing him she bursts into tears.
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I can fully understand getting wet if he appeared at my front door too, but the moisture definitely would not be in the vicinity of my face (...until later maybe, depends what he's into). She says it's because she's just so happy that she can finally be herself "Steffi", and doesn't have to be the fake "Mila" any more. Martin says she can be herself, with him, and they can live happily ever after.
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For some reason he then picks her up and carries her to the sofa.
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The effort of which brings tears to his eyes. She must be a heftier lass than she looks. And after all that they don't even bone - Olli would never put up with that nonsense, Martin might be new to the show, but he needs to learn that weeping is no barrier to sex.
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The next morning, and Martin makes his desires known but Mila's still preoccupied about how she's just told a policeman that she's a murderer, which might not have been the cleverest idea.
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He tries to change the subject back to something sexier by whispering in a low voice about lawyers but that doesn't seem to work. He doesn't even mention Sebastian. Mila is so unimpressed that she chucks him out.



Over in the flat, which is now populated solely by Emilio, Kim is desperate to find Jannik, so I suppose she must assume that Jemilio shenanigans are happening.
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...There's no real reason for this cap to be here, except to say bye bye, WG. You're probably my favourite soap flat, pushing the boundaries of believable floorplans far beyond even the McQueen house in Hollyoaks or the pub in Eastenders, but possibly not as far as the old woman who lived in a shoe and had so many children she didn't know what to do.
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And bye bye, No Limits. I've lost track of whether you're the new No Limits, the old No Limits, the new old No Limits, the old new No Limits, or the new old new No Limits, and you've not been the same since Miriam stopped smashing things inside you, but still, the memories we've shared... [/nostalgia]
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Anyway, Jannik is busy running away by standing still which makes it actually quite easy for Kim to find him, and he confesses that he likes her.
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But at the exact same time, Ansgar has hired Bruce Forsythe's less tactful maiden aunt in order to find out what happened to his dead infant son.
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After a series of puns and jokes about how the it was "probably thrown out with the bathwater", after having its "candy taken", but at least it must have "slept like" the proverbial, and "how do you tell the difference between a lorry full of marbles and lorry full of dead babies?" which even Ansgar thought was in poor taste, Ansgar eventually gets his answer. Jannik is his son. Dun dun duhhh.
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It is a wise child that knows his own father, as they say, and the reverse is probably also true, because it makes it easier to prevent your children from boning each other.
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Oops, too late. Ansgar tries to take evasive action anyway, or at least ensure they use a condom because any baby with double Lahnstein genes is going to make Loki look under-sexy and under-evil.
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But on his way there he discovers the limp body of Martin! Oh no, I forgot about the other storyline...
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Let's not dwell, I'm losing the will to live too at this point, I think the inexplicable fondness I had for the finale was just endorphins and they're wearing off. Basically, Martin was on his way to the castle to confess to Sebastian that he had made a terrible mistake by nearly sleeping with a woman, but then he remembered Sebastian is in prison so he couldn't help him back to the gay and narrow. Then he went to hang around in the bushes to see if he met anyone interesting, but Justus was on security detail and you know how protective he gets when he thinks the castle is threatened. So he started hitting Martin with his pole, and not in a good way, like it was a scaffolding pole or something nasty, and then Ansgar found Martin and used one of his magic Lahnstein kisses to bring him back to life, because that's the superpower he traded his soul for, and then they all moved to Essen to live with Olli "Nick", which is Olli's new name and identity that he adopted because he was raped and impregnated as a 15 year old and locked up in a mental institution which is run by a corrupt agency called UFA who couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery.

The End.


So, yes. That's it. I suppose I could go back and fill in the gaps for the episodes I skipped between December and now (...I'm tempted solely on the basis that some are half done and I don't want to throw away several quality jokes about Andi's idiocy, but I do concede that that's already well-trodden ground on these pages). But for now, bye, VL. We had such a lovely time, until you wrecked everything and made yourself unwatchable shortly after I had constructed a social obligation to watch the show. I'll miss you.

Thanks again to anyone who's ever read/commented here or on youtube, you're all sweethearts. And if anyone knows if there are any other German soaps/shows being subbed at the moment, can you post a link in the comments - because I've had a few people ask what they can move on to, and I'm not up to date with who's subbing what right now.

Also, there's a Verbotene Liebe book thing about...its impact and fans and so on, I think? Which is available here. I have not read it, because if I'm honest reading German takes me about 2 hours per page, and there's about 1500 pages of German in that book so it would take me over 4 months to read. But I'm sure it's excellent...or, I mean, I at least give the benefit of the doubt unless proven otherwise. Really I'm just incredibly flattered to have been sent a press copy of a book (!!!) - which I think speaks for the good taste of the authors ;) - and therefore am multi-tasking by unsubtly bragging about that while also advertising the book. And it was all going so smoothly until I accidentally told you all about my sneaky plan. Anyway, go buy the book, read the book, and then translate the book so I can enjoy it too. Though it does have pictures, so I'm not completely at sea here.

engorged lawyers [userpic]

洋梨 - "Yo, nice pears!"

3rd April 2015 (12:31)



Ant and Dec learning Japanese and converting SNT into a Japanese style gameshow. Would be my favourite Ant vs Dec from the series if last week's hadn't been pretty much unbeatable. (...That awkward moment when even the children you've hired to play miniature versions of yourselves start making gay jokes at your expense XDD "Dec plays with Ant's sausage" indeed, Little Dec.)

I went to Venice this week. Most of my photos ended up completely jacked up because I've got a new phone, and the camera placement on it is, like, the exact opposite to on my old phone. So where I had to put my hands for the old one now guarantees I have fingers in all my photos. A couple came out okay:
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Others under the cut.Collapse )

It's a gorgeous place. Basically all of Italy is, it's ridiculous. I wish I lived there instead... Maybe next year, hey. Might have to learn some Italian first though, wish I had before I went this time because it took about twenty minutes to convey to the guy at the hostel check-in desk that he hadn't given us our dorm key yet. (I tried about eight different languages...and miming...to no avail, in the end we drew a picture. Then he was all, "ohhhh, 'chiave'", which given I had said various things such as "llave", "chabi", "clef" and "carvetta" when I was grasping at linguistic straws...I mean, I'm just saying I think he should have been able to work it out.

Also, it was nice to be reminded that I do vaguely have a sense of direction. In Austria I get lost a lot tbh, I don't find the mountainy terrain very intuitive. In Venice it's all water and I'm much more in my element because things like where the wind's coming from tells you where the sea is. I still have no idea what wind direction means in mountains.

engorged lawyers [userpic]

VL 01.12.14 - "Ich war mit Jo joggen."

10th February 2015 (00:59)

You can watch this ep with English subtitles on this Youtube playlist here.

Well, last time we were here, Jo and Olli were out jogging together. In show-time their jogging trip lasted over a week, so I don't think it's too disingenuous for me to have extended that to two months. It's important to keep fit and after all, health-wise there is no such thing as too much jogging, is there? Shut up, BBC.
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Anyway, they're back now, and today Olli is having a heart-to-heart with Charlie. Her best friend has just been kidnapped you see, which gives Captain Sensitive, Olli "let me selflessly prioritise everyone else's needs at the complete expense of my own" Sabel, you know, Mr Listening-to-other-people's-problems-is-my-crack the perfect chance to... insensitively blather on about his own shit with Jo. Oh. I should have expected that really, given in the last ep he started throwing around offers of grief-sex, but somehow I thought he would be a little more considerate of Elisabeth having been abducted. Instead he's all "But what about meeeeee? You must be wondering how Iiiiiiiii feel!"
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It's actually hard to convey in words exactly how self-centred Olli is behaving in this entire scene. It's a testament to Charlie that she doesn't slap him, really.
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Then Jo phones Olli, but Olli doesn't answer because he thinks it might make him look thirsty, and the "what? you tried to contact me? I did not realise, I have not ignored your texts or calls at all"-gambit did work pretty well for him last time. Charlie continues to show incredible restraint.

To avoid further pretend communication failure, Jo turns up in No Limits where they can interact face-to-face. I mean, only talking. Not the good kind of face-to-face interaction. Because they are being just-friends at the moment.
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There's no point you looking pissy about that, Jo (if that's what that expression is). It was your idea. Other ideas that Jo is suggesting are, going out for drinks, a meal, clubbing, or for another run. But Olli says the only place he would consider taking Jo is to a therapist, because it isn't normal for Jo to still be grieving so much for his dead boyfriend.
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Olli gets pretty ruthless once sex is off the table.

Sexy Dr Jo does actually want some sex though, so he does the only thing a soap character in his position could do.
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That's right, he propositions Bella in the lavatory. But Bella has been on this soap a lot longer than Jo has, meaning she knows that sleeping with her brother's love interest (again) would be an error, and to maximise her dramatic impact she has to immediately tell Olli.
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She should have made Olli come to her in the toilets, rather than going out to find him in the bar. The lighting there is so much less flattering to her pasty skin tone.
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Olli puts on his most confrontational capri-pants and goes round for a confrontation at Jo's place. His argument is basically "get a fucking grip (and then shag me please)".
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Whereas Jo's is "I keep telling you to stop and leave me alone, why won't you stop and leave me alone?". To which Olli says "sometimes when people say stop, they actually want you to keep going", which is why he got sacked as the prosecuting lawyer at Marlene's rape trial. Jo tells Olli that he just wants to be left alone with his fruitbowl full of grapes. Olli says that's not healthy - you can't get your five-a-day through just one fruit, and Jo points out that he's the doctor here, and then Olli leaves because he doesn't like being made to feel intellectually inferior (hence his carefully chosen friend-pool of Andi, Sascha and Emilio).
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Jo follows him to a field where he promises to try and be less condescending, but it's difficult, because he is Jesus. The he gives Olli a chance to show off his own medical skillz by piercing his own thigh with a glass bottle.
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I suppose Jo hasn't really seen Olli deal with situations where other people are in danger yet, so he doesn't know about Olli's habits of throwing everyone out of No Limits, dumping his boyfriend, standing very still, and flinging himself into swimming pools when confronted with stressful circumstances.
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On this occasion, Olli at least musters enough wherewithal to phone an ambulance and try and stem the bleeding. It might be too late for Jo though.
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That's right, he's joined Arno Snape Sam on the astral plane...

engorged lawyers [userpic]

Hiatus

31st December 2014 (21:16)

Because of several reasons, both IRL and online, this blog will be going into hiatus for at least the next couple of months.

Let's be honest, it more or less has been for a while now anyway, but I thought it would better to be frank~ about it. I'm going to be taking an LJ break in general, and have turned off all email alerts, so if you PM me or leave a comment I'm not ignoring you deliberately. You can always contact me on Twitter or Facebook or email or wherever (details are on my profile).

VL subtitles will still continue on my Youtube channel. In the latest ep, Jo's inability to kiss on target worsens by the minute.

Seriously, Bella was so disconcerted by it that she flung herself in front of a car, so don't miss out on that.

I hope you all had the merriest of Christmases and I wish you the happiest of New Years :)

engorged lawyers [userpic]

Meme: 8th December

11th December 2014 (16:01)

Behold my punctuality.

haruhiko asked:
Which former Verbotene Liebe characters would you like to see come back before the end? Also what sort of backstories/headcanons for the time they were gone and/or the reasons they came back?

This is a difficult question, because on the one hand I don't think anyone should come back. The actors chose to leave, they shouldn't be able to swoop in at the end for some final glory. On the other hand, I want everyone possible to come back, because it's the last chance, and any/all of the characters deserve some kind of recognition. But as some sort of middle ground between "all of them" and "none of them", and also leaving aside the blanket approval I would give to absolutely any character coming back for the sole purpose of declaring their love for Olli, here are the Top Five specific characters I would really like to see back.

Nathalie
After Matthias dies in a tragic diving accident of the coast of the South Island, she is accused of insurance fraud and so flees back to Germany with adorable baby Christina who is probably adorable primary-school-age Christina by now. Because of Christina, Sebastian arranges for her to live at the castle where she causes tension between Ansgar and Alexa because Ansgar still loves her really. She also has a go at Andi for running Brandner Bau into bankruptcy, and he's so ashamed that he runs away to live in Azerbaijan and no one ever hears from him again. She has a brief affair with Olli. But that's just a stop gap, because ultimately she gets together with...

Constantin
Adorable, precious Consti. He returns from Spain to have a brief affair with Olli, but when he realises Nathalie is back too, he has to be near her. They try and rekindle their love through language lessons again, but because Consti can speak Spanish himself now, Nathalie has to try and teach him a New Zealand accent. Thus hes tirrible ruselts end hi losus hus jorb es en untirpruter whin hi bucomes uncapable of talkung iny other way, aach aaf Duitsch. In order to support Consti during his time of unemployment, Nathalie cons Ansgar out of all his money, meaning she and Consti can run away to live their dream life on the Mediterranean.

Judith
Hearing that Constantin was back in town, Judith returns too, but sadly for her she arrives on the day he and Nathalie leave. She has a brief affair with Olli to help her get over it, during which time she becomes acquainted with recast Rebecca. The pair of them bond over their shared job as designers even though they work in very different fields, and work on a joint project to create a building in the shape of a dress. Rebecca falls in love with Judith, who after an episode's worth of slight confusion realises that, although it would be much more in character for her to spend 8 months dithering on this, she loves Rebecca too and they would be an awesome couple.

Jessica
After it turns out that Hagen actually was still a complete nutjob and he murders Dana and Ricardo in their sleep, Jessica returns to Dusseldorf with Maxi. In search of comfort, she has a brief affair with Olli, but they both decide they would prefer to be friends. She moves back into the flatshare, where she bonds with Tim and they get together. His new role as a quasi stepdad makes Tim grow up a bit, and the Helmke family all reconcile because they love their adorable new nephew/grandson, and bond over spoiling him rotten.

Timo
After Leonie cheated on him in Paris with a really ugly hairy fashion designer who moved there this summer, Timo returns to Dusseldorf. He is horrified to see how much Emilio has changed, and consoles himself by having a brief affair with Olli. He hasn't given up on Emilio though, and pays for Emilio to get is tattoo changed back to say "Timo" again instead of "Kim". New badass Emilio doesn't care about proper tattoo aftercare though, and develops septicaemia after the tattoo gets infected. Timo has to nurse Emilio through his illness, and during this time Emilio realises what an idiot he's been. They admit their love for each other, have sex, and then Timo buys Emilio a new Barno for them to run together.

...I'm frankly aghast that Uncle Lars didn't make my list.

What about you lot, who would you bring back? Why/how?

engorged lawyers [userpic]

VL 24.11.14 - "Es ist sicherlich nicht leicht für ihn."

11th December 2014 (00:06)

You can watch this ep with English subtitles on this Youtube playlist here.

Today we find out that it's been exactly 2 years, 10 months, 18 days, 3 hours, 5 minutes and 10.3 seconds since Sam was killed by homophobic thugs. The perfect timing - not so long ago that it seems weird for Jo to be still caught up in it, but long enough that in principle people encouraging him to move on won't necessarily look like insenstive bellends (...but we'll see how they do in practice).
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Olli deals with this situation the only way he knows how, he offers to talk about it. Jo's not keen on that, and he likes Olli's second suggestion of spending the night together even less. (To be fair, Olli doesn't ever say anything about sex. But he doesn't deny it when Jo interprets his offer that way, when a "I just thought you might not want to be on your own right now" would have easily corrected any misapprehension, so I think we can just assume that Olli has had such a sensitivity-failure today that he genuinely responded to "my boyfriend died" with "let's fuck". Olli's really not at his most sympathetic lately.)
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Olli goes home to find vampire!Bella drinking blood in his pub. (Do they have to shoot her with lighting that makes the comparisons to Molly Weasley and/or Rebekah Brooks nigh on inevitable?)
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No, sorry, it's just tomato juice. Which she inexplicably got a craving for in the middle of the night to the extent that she had to break into No Limits to steal it. (My money's still on Sascha being pregnant.) Conveniently this means she's available to listen to Olli's woes again.
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He thinks he's blown everything with Jo, but Bella says it'll all be fine. Like her and Andi.
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I can see it in your face, Bella, that even you know that that is theleast reassuring thing anyone could possibly say. It's up there with "he hasn't murdered anybody for ages" and "honestly, I do love you".

Jo meanwhile is back to his usual position of sitting and being sad about Sam while that stock music that always reminds me of Lay All Your Love On Me by ABBA plays.
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And obviously he's reading the letter again. This time he's even doing it aloud, not just in voice-over! (I did ask for more variety in those scenes, and I can't say the show hasn't made any effort.)

The next morning, Jo pops by No Limits. He has his big brave boy mask back on (joke about how he should be wearing a real mask has been redacted because it's harsh to make fun of his looks while he's doing emotions...) and he apologises to Olli for how badly things went yesterday. Olli tries to apologise too, but Jo is very understanding and tells him it's fine.
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I don't know why either of them are apologising, it was all Tim's idea really, and in what world is 7 people a party?
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Jo wants to accept Olli's offer from last night. The chatting, not the sexing. He wants Olli to know all about Sam. Sam was a doctor, a better doctor than Jo because he sometimes went whole minutes without mocking any of his patients, and never nearly injected any of them with poison. They met 8 years ago, at the hospital where they worked together. Jo's mum was opposed to the relationship because she was opposed to any relationships after Harro left and broke her heart. But Jo couldn't fight it. The day Sam died was their fifth anniversary. Sam wanted to prepare a surprise meal but forgot the wine so went out to get it, and while Jo was on the phone with him asking where he was he got attacked by some homophobes and they killed him. Sam called out for help, but no one came, and by the time Jo arrived it was too late. Olli is the first person Jo has told, because he reminds him a bit of Sam.
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Meanwhile Bella appears to steal more beverages, but notices that Olli and Jo are having a private, personal conversation so decides to stand in the doorway and listen instead. Although she will later claim that this is not eavesdropping, I'm fairly sure this is eavesdropping.
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Olli asks if he and Jo can be friends after all. Jo doesn't know, and leaves :(

At the hospital, Bella is having a another appointment for her back because she needs another injection. Just before Jo is about to shove a needle into her, Bella thinks this would be a good time to mention Jo's dead ex.
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This throws Jo off a little. After all, he thought he had told Olli in confidence, he'd finally let his guard down and placed his trust in someone after nearly three years of keeping everything bottled up, and now some random other person suddenly knows all about it. That's got to freak you out a bit.
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Which is why he nearly injects Bella with cyanide instead of morphine.

Unfortunately The nurse notices in time and stops Jo, so Bella goes back to No Limits to share her woes with Olli.
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Unfortunately for her, his reaction is "poor Jo", and mine is "shame the mix-up was noticed so soon", so she's not getting much sympathy today. I mean, what the hell was she thinking, talking to Jo about something that clearly he had discussed with Olli in confidence. To be honest, I don't think Olli should have told Bella about Sam in the first place, but when most of her information came from listening in a doorway... Not cool, Bella.

Later Olli goes for a run, and he happens to see Jo coming in the other direction.
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He stops to say hello, because he wants them to be friends, but Jo just runs past and completely blanks him. This makes Olli sad.
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For all of five seconds until Jo comes back and wants to run with him and be buddies after all, it seems.
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Hooray!

engorged lawyers [userpic]

VL 21.11.14 - "

8th December 2014 (04:11)

You can watch this ep with English subtitles on this Youtube playlist here.

Today, Tim has decided in his infinite wisdom adorableness, that the Brothers Helmke need to honour their commitment to spending more time together. His plan is that everyone should throw a surprise party for Jo.
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Initially he plans to only invite people who've slept with Jo, but that limits the guest list to Olli, Bella and Frank, so he broadens it to people who would like to sleep with Jo, and then at least Andi and Sascha can turn up too. It's still not going to be much of a crowd, because Olli doesn't want to go.
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He vents his feelings to Bella, about how he's still not over Jo, and he can't be just friends with someone he's in love with. Bella tries to tell him to follow her and Andi's example of how being friends after a relationship can work really well, and Olli gives himself a hernia from laughing so hard. This is another reason why having Olli sharing his feelings with Bella is ridiculous. It should be Olli and Andi, they're on the same page. And then it could be Jo and Bella bonding over how just because they treat people like crap sometimes, doesn't mean they're bad people.
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Jo is at home with his bag o' Sam again, and really not in the mood to party. He's more in a mope-y grieving state of mind, such has been his wont of late. (I really think the show could have added some variety with these scenes. I feel like I have subtitled the same three lines from that letter 800 times at this point. Would it not be somewhat more realistic to have Jo dwell on a letter that Sam wrote to him? Obviously that wouldn't have the dramatic juxtaposition of Jo's promise to neverever ever love another man like he loved Sam while his feelings for Olli are growing. But surely it's Sam he misses, not his own words to Sam, and you could still have that affect by having Sam's letter quote Jo in some way ("when you promised me you'd never love another man the way you love me, I knew that you were the..."). It would make Sam feel more real if we could have heard his voice either directly or indirectly, and anyway, we've had that one letter a million times, there would really be room for two or more. Or have Jo visit places that remind him of Sam - where they had their first date, where they met, Sam's grave, where Sam died. Other storylines move on so fast, yet for this one we have to sit through the exact same scene over and over again. I get that part of it is that Jo only lets himself mourn in private, but still... Or at the very least we could have had Jo reading/writing some sort of diary addressed to Sam, so that the content would vary somewhat. This would also let the audience see more of Jo's feelings than just having a voice-over of the same two lines and seeing Jo weep, which is repetitive and not terribly insightful. More pathos is never a bad thing. ...'Pathos' and 'juxtaposition' in one paragraph, seems like my English Literature AS-Level paid off after all.)
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Anyway, Frank interrupts my rambling and Jo's grieving in order to ask for Jo's help buying a cross-trainer. I feel like a professional detective should be able to come up with a better cover story than that, though given his main job lately has been (ineffectively) preventing anyone (else) gaining access to Elizabeth, maybe he's out of practice. It doesn't matter - Jo's mind is so addled by having read the same words over and over again that he doesn't even think to raise any questions like "but Charlie's flat is the size of a shoebox (by soap standards), where will you put it?" or "but you're so fit already, if you work out any harder you'll just make the rest of us look bad".
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Jo leaves with Frank, and also leaves a DVD of a sappy lovefilm on the floor. Remember this, this is important for later. You know that because they showed a close-up of it on screen for about ten minutes, and I've screenshotted it.

With the flat empty, Tim, Bella, and Olli (who agreed to come after all) seize the opportunity to start setting up for the party which will be a fabulous surprise for Jo.
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"Wow. My brothers whom I don't much like, a woman who hated me last I heard, a guy who said we should stay out of each other's way and not be friends, a guy who my only interaction with has been when he threatened to punch me for sleeping with his girlfriend, and some guy I sat near once."
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Jo is clearly overwhelmed to see all the people he cares most about in the world in one room together like that, so he leaves to go...anywhere else.
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Olli follows Jo outside. (D'aww, Tim giving Sascha a balloon (actually, Tim giving Sascha Olli's balloon...whatever that's a euphemism for).) He tells him to stop breaking everyone's heart like this, and Jo says "I was happy for us to keep having meaningless sex and you turned me down, so don't talk to me about rejection!"
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Somehow this ends with Jo deciding he will come to the party after all.
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Cue lots of affectionate Jo/Olli dancing and so on, while the other people in the room find it cute (Bella) and worrying (Frank). Frank then realises that even with Jo and Olli out of the picture, it's still four straight men and only one straight girl in there and he doesn't fancy those odds, so he excuses himself to run off to the castle and masturbate while sniffing Elizabeth's underwear. Bella tells him she didn't need to know the specifics.
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Soap's awkwardest hottest threesome decide it's time for them to go as well.
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And I think we're meant to assume that Tim left at some point too, because suddenly Olli and Jo are alone. Jo asks him to stay the night. Jo wants meaningless sex, Olli wants meaningful sex and clean dishes
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As a compromise they decide to watch a film.
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But completely unexpectedly, Olli picks the DVD that Jo left out earlier. Jo is upset by this because he doesn;t remember having left it out earlier and accuses Olli of going through his stuff, because he always keeps the DVD hidden away in his sac magique. Olli says he found it when they were setting up the party and he didn't snoop through anything. Jo tells him to get out.
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Olli then picks the worst possible moment to suddenly have a colossal bout of uncharacteristic insensitivity. He starts talking endlessly abut how all break ups are hard, especially divorces like his, but you have to get over it, and life goes on, and he's sorry if Jo got dumped but it's not like anyone died, etc, etc, etc.
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I don't condone violence, but I couldn't really hold it against Jo if he'd given Olli a slap in this scene to be honest. (...I can also see Olli's point of view, he's annoyed about how he's been treated, but he's jumped to a false conclusion, made assumptions of the back off it, and then used it to moralise at Jo about a very painful topic, which is not a good look.) Thankfully Jo takes the more mature option.
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Finally, he tells Olli about Sam.

engorged lawyers [userpic]

VL 17-20.11.14 - "Wir mögen uns." "Tun wir das?"

30th November 2014 (17:26)

You can watch this ep with English subtitles on this Youtube playlist here.

Today, the episode starts brilliantly. Olli angrily bursts into Jo's flat...
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...takes off his clothes...
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...and gets into bed.
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Wait, no, I was accidentally watching the scene in rewind. This episode starts terribly as Olli wakes up in bed alone, puts his clothes on, and angrily storms out of Jo's flat. This is because Olli was expecting things to be totally different after Jo's sleep-driven "confession" last night, but the only difference is that Jo isn't even providing breakfast anymore, and that was always an essential part of their Affäre. Olli tells Jo that if he leaves now, he's NEVER COMING BACK. And Jo says "bye, then".
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Jo does briefly nearly chase after him, but he gets distracted by the sight of himself in the mirror. (You know how they say the more symmetrical a face, the more beautiful it is... Anyway.)

At LCL Bella has to listen to yet more whining. Olli, you could have at least gone home to change your clothes first - partly because they must stink a bit by now, mostly because they probably have rules about double-deniming at LCL.
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Bella says "just get over him", and Olli says "but Jo is so brilliant and perfect and deep, and he's just been hurt so badly, that's why he won't let himself feel anything for me and treats me like crap 90% of the time, underneath it all he's my perfect man and I can't let him go, gosh, Bella, I think he's the one... #Jo Helmke, say it loud and there's music playing, say it soft and it's almost like praying, Jo Helmke, I'll never stop saying Jo Helmkeeeee#"
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So Bella pretends she has a phonecall.

Snubbed, Olli goes off to see Charlie who provides a more willing ear for his troubles and West Side Story rewrites because she is more considerate, or because she's just more interested in gossip and/or musicals. I assumed Schneiders would be the sort of place where they don't let you wear jeans at all, let alone a whole outfit made of jeans, but I guess Olli is an exception, being the owner's nephew. She also gives him a free cake.
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When Jo shows up, Charlie goes all protective mama bear auntie bear, and tells him to leave, but Olli makes everyone be civil and says Jo should stay and eat there, just so long as he stays entirely out of Olli's line of sight.
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They have a little confrontation later. Jo says they should still be friends because they like each other, but Olli says he can't just forget about his feelings. Jo says it's fine, because he'll forget about Olli's feelings, and Olli says that is in no way what he wants, and Jo says you can't always get what you want, and Olli says he once met Mick Jagger on the cruise ship and he was much more emotionally open than Jo. Olli storms off again.
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And in a moment of unexpected vulnerability and mispayment of the bill, Charlie realises that Jo might not be as heartless and unaffected and arseholey and arrogant and harsh and cruel and egocentric and unfeeling and distant as he might seem.
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The next day there's some really boring stuff at LCL, the important thing is Olli kisses Sascha:
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The rest of this week is mostly just Andi/Bella/Sascha stuff, with Olli appearing occasionally to fulfil the role of friend-to-listen-to-Andi's-delusions-about-how-he-and-Bella-are-defs-gonna-get-back-together. This unlikely, because Bella has told Andi 1000 times that she's not interested any more, and also because she's getting it on with Sascha now.
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This is all top secret of course. Both of them are completely ashamed of the disgusting things they've been a party to, and the the dismay and betrayal that anyone who hears about this appalling act will feel. Plus neither of them wants Andi to find out in case he does something irrational like murder someone or throw all his Duplo in the river again. So when he nearly interrupts them a slight mishap occurs leaving Bella slightly injured. I'm not sure I can summarise it very well, so I'll leave it to this Youtube commenter:
 photo summary.jpg
I hope that's all clear enough.
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Then Andi finds out about the sex, and decides this is an opportunity for a threeway.
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The other two are less convinced.


Incidentally, in real life, Marc Barthel (Tim) and Sascha Pederiva (Sascha) have been doing a TV diving competition (like Splash, but with less Tom Daley), which you can watch here. Here's a pic as a preview:


I'm not a diving expert, but I think Tim might be slightly better...

engorged lawyers [userpic]

VL 14.11.14 - "Verlass mich nicht."

30th November 2014 (13:52)

You can watch this ep with English subtitles on this Youtube playlist here.

Two weeks ago Today, Jo is being chatted up by this sexy little thing.
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I don't know why I say "little", he seems to be of at least average height. This is Jeremy, he fancies Jo and his mum has a car. That's pretty much all we know so far, along with the fact that he's confident, and forward, and good-looking. And he's into Jo, who gives him his number.
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Olli acts as witness to this event, and it seems like there's been some sort of miscommunication between Olli and Jo about what the word "Affäre" actually means, because apparently Jo thinks it means "fuck buddies" and Olli thinks it means "married" (...and I thought it meant "adulterous secret"), so Jo is pretty blasé about hooking up with another guy in front of Olli, meanwhile Olli goes into full on bitchy-wife mode. Which is good, because that's my second favourite mode of his, after naked, being spit-roasted by the Mann brothers lying-badly mode.
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It's slightly confusing, because apparently time passes off screen in which Jo is busy seeing a patient, and Olli is busy being given a balloon and sticker to commemorate his 40,000th eyebrow-graze check-up, but let's forget about all that and just assume that Jeremy is incredibly pushy so he phones Jo straight away. This leads to Olli assuring Jo that he's fine with Jo arranging to meet Jeremy tonight instead of him, and he's completely okay with Jo and Jeremy's date being in No Limits, and he is definitely not planning to poison Jeremy's drinks, nosirree.
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Jo is a doctor, so he is clever enough to tell that Olli isn't being 100% sincere. Other professions who would also be able to spot Olli's lack of sincerity: all other professions. Except whatever it is Andi does.


In my world it would be pretty awkward to go to your sister to complain about the man troubles you're having with a man who she herself was in love with barely a week ago. Given she hasn't travelled to Africa lately, I think we can assume Bella might have at least some residual feelings.
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That doesn't stop Olli though. He's all tact, that one. (The worst thing about Bella and Olli being friends again is him going to her for advice now - the scenes with Sascha were much cuter, would be much less heartless on Olli's part, and they both work in the same building now so it's not like he would have to make an extra trip...)
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Bella puts up with his whining admirably for 3 hours, when thankfully she is saved by the arrival of... Jeremy. Now there's a coincidink. Turns out he's an out of work model (explains why he made a quick move on the first doctor he saw [/bitchy]), and he wants LCL to consider him for their future campaign. After a moment of looking like a petulant toddler, Olli begins to consider him for something else.
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Jeremy recognises Olli but doesn't remember where from (which is weird, because I'd have thought that that jealous gaze would have become imprinted in anyone's mind). Olli tells him it's probably because of all the modelling he's done, and because he owns a bar, No Limits, and hey Jeremy, want to get a drink together there, just between colleagues, no ulterior motive at all, no poison, I promise.
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We have to add "out of work models" to the list of professions who won't see through Olli's lack of sincerity, Jeremy eagerly goes for a drink with him after he's found a parking spot for his car. Olli seems to put his murderous scheme on hold though, as it turns out he and Jeremy have a lot in common. They both had some relatives who were supportive about them being gay and some who weren't, they both have been in relationships in the past. They're basically twins.


Then someone has to turn up and play gooseberry.
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He's taken a leaf out of Olli's book, and is trying the passive-aggressive "no, you can take my date instead, that's fine, I'm quite tired anyway. I'll just be sitting over here in the corner, but try not to think of me as an oppressive supervising presence"-gambit. Jeremy finds the whole thing a bit weird, but is willing to roll with it.
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During one of Jeremy's bathroom breaks, Jo comes over for a chat with Olli in which they both try to play things cool and are both totally pathetic at it, and neither want Olli to go home with Jeremy but try to convey that to each other by saying how much they want Olli to go home with Jeremy. Idiots.
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Seriously, Olli is so flustered by the whole thing that he says "your place or mine?" unironically. But thankfully Jeremy is an out of work model, so that line works, and they go back to Olli's because it is right upstairs while Jeremy's place is a car drive away, and also it means they don't have to build another set.
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(...Jo Weil, your arse...)
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Meanwhile Jo is sad and jelly and miserably stares at the selfie Olli took on his phone.
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Which is weird, because I thought Jo's phone got broken when it fell in the lake during their fishing trip yesterday...
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Anyway, Olli gets cold feet, and backs out of things with Jeremy. And it's apparently time for one of those off-hand throw-away lines VL sometimes has that don't really matter and are just filler really, but nevertheless reveal an underlying attitude that I find slightly worrying, when Olli is all like "You're not angry, are you?". Mate, you shouldn't have to apologise for deciding not to have sex with someone.
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Jeremy isn't angry, because he's a decent human being, so he just wishes Olli luck and leaves. I hope LCL do hire him, Jelli OTP!
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Olli goes to see Jo, because he can't do this any more. He doesn't want an affair or to have one night stands with other people. He wants commitment, monogamy, 6 children and a holiday home on Ayia Napa.
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Jo says he can't give him any of that, but how about one for the road?
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It's not really possible to capture in pictures the brilliance of cutting to a random shot of some fireworks instead of actually showing a sex-scene...wait, did I say "brilliance"? I meant "bullshit". But at least it reminded me of The Naked Gun so I can't really complain.
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Post-coitally, Jo says "please don't leave me". Is Jo only saying that because he thinks Olli's asleep? Or is Jo asleep and dreaming of Sam? Or is Olli actually asleep and this is his dream? Did I dream this? I don't think I did. (Though last night I did dream that Lars was back and he was eating chocolate fondue and he had some on his face by his mouth, and Olli wiped it off with his thumb and said "Schoko-Lars-de", and then Lars reached over and started playing with Olli's hair. Olli/Lars OTP.)

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